|I've always wanted to know!|
I never myself read the book and indeed didn't realise it was actually indeed a book until well after the time I stopped playing it. My child brain and books didn't really get on, unless of course it had a swear word in the title so yeah, maybe I should have picked this one up! Anyway, enough gas bagging - onto the game itself!
|Farts and wees aplenty - could you ask for more?|
Start the game and you're presented with dual screens a-la 'Spy vs Spy' - or so it looks like. What you do in fact have, is two different views of your character, I'll call him 'Mr. Bastard' so as not to confuse him with anyone else, with one view from the front and one view from the side. The reason for this? Well, at first it's quite disorientating, but it is in fact so that you can see all the objects, furniture and white goods that you're surrounded with. From coats hanging on the wall, umbrella holders and plant pots, you will need more than one view to make sure you're in line with each item. Explaining this badly I know, but see the below image for the case in point.
|Confused by the view? You're not alone!|
|Why would you not want to eat soap suds?|
And what kind of shenanigans can you get up to to ruin these peoples' night? Well, quite a lot to be frank. Whether it be squashing potatoes on peoples' heads, throwing umbrellas at people, tipping water over peoples' heads, stinking rooms out by floating an air biscuit - the possibilities are near endless. It's quite a large house you find yourself in so there are many rooms to explore, including a nice garden area for you to lay your wrath of destruction. As a side from giving peoples' hair a nice hint of mashed potato, there are other bastard things you can get up to to pass the time.
Opening cupboards, searching through coats and cabinets, you will find an array items that you can eat, throw, drink or just put into your pockets until you something, or indeed someone that you may want to 'combine' it with.
Now, the various meters I referred to earlier (of the 'wee', 'fart', 'drunk' and 'smell' variety) are there waiting for you to fill them up. Find the extra strong lager and treat yourself to a little sup, then you'll find your Drunkometer increase along with your Weeometer, so they kind of go hand in hand. The same can be said for the Fartometer and Smellometer - the more pungent the trouser cough, the more the Smellometer elevates. Of course, if indeed you want to fill the room with one of your fragrant poots, there needs to be some food consumed. I say 'food' but this word is used in the broadest term possible. Fags, soap suds and washing up liquid amongst others, are all fair game when it comes to filling your stomach. Mmm....tasty!
|I'm trying to cut down.|
The object of the game? Ultimately, you need to light up the words 'COMPLETE BASTARD' that you find at the bottom of the screen, of which can be done letter by letter by doing particularly bastard things, though not every action will result in a letter being lit. Also, when a letter is lit, it will only remain so for a short period of time until you light another. If not, the letter will go back to it's original blue colour and will you have to try again. Anyway, enough of this negativity! Just felt it had to mentioned and now we're done with it, we'll move on!
|Now you're cooking with gas - sorry.|
There is a lot of humour in the game as you can imagine, the majority of which being in the captions you receive upon selecting what to do with an item. Finding the bath plug and choosing to 'Wear as a Medallion' greets you with 'Are you a Bee Gees fan?', drinking oil will have your credentials as the Tin Man questioned. Decide to wear the blanket you find the blanket box and you'll have a response of 'Blankety Blank Impressions'. I think these are what keeps the game going, not all will tickle you but when they do, they're very good (the Blankety Blank one being one of my favourites) and some may even call a 'witty reposte' though that does sound a bit too 'hipster'. I'm sure Mr. Bastard wouldn't approve.
|Can't a man drink motor oil without being judged?|
Retro review by Florinthedwarf!